Smallclothes
by Cubby250
Summary: Brief tale in which Tig decides it's of the utmost importance to discover where underwear comes from. Naturally, being Neverland, there is a legend that's involved.


"Why do you think about stuff like this anyway? Does it really matter?" Leo looked at his twin, the exasperation practically leaping form his face.

"Because it's important. Maybe it don't seem that way to you, but there's lots of stuff that happens around here that I never know the answer to. Some of it I figure I'm never going to know the answer to, and that's cool. But there's other stuff that shouldn't be a big mystery. Where we get our smallclothes is one of those." Tigger shot a defiant look at his brother, as if daring him to disagree.

"But who cares? I mean if some elf came up to you and said 'I'll tell you exactly where one thing on the island comes from, what'll it be?', you'd turn around and respond that you want to know where underwear comes from?"

"I thought underwear came from Woolworth's," Cubby said, having caught only the tail end of the conversation as he lumbered up.

"Excuse me, do you see a Woolworth's anywhere around here? I meant where does underwear come from on the island."

"Oooohhhh… I see." Cubby scratched his head vigorously. It was hard to tell whether he was trying to think harder or simply dislodging a few fleas that were gnawing on him. He finally gave a massive shrug. "I dunno. When I first got here, there were three sets on my pallet. They were just there."

"And did they fit?" Tigger asked.

Cubby turned bright red. "Whatchamean did they fit? I'm fat but I'm not that fat. They fit just fine. Sort of."

"No, Cubbs," Tigger said, trying to mollify him, "I just mean that they just couldn't have been left at random because…" Tigger came to a halt trying to figure out a way to explain why that didn't sound insulting.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Because they'd have to be XXL and there aren't any others around as chubby as me."

"So where do smallclothes come from then?" Leo interrupted, trying to forestall any more accusations of possible teasing. Then in an annoyed voice, "And why does anyone really care, again?" He glanced over as Surefoot who had been following the conversation and appeared to be upset at something. Whatever it was that was bothering him remained unsaid.

"They were wrapped in brown paper," Cubby suddenly recalled, "with string or twine around them."

Red wandered up and looked around at the group. "What's up?"

"Tigger wants to know where underwear comes from."

"Oh, that's easy. They come from the linen tree." The expected jeers and catcalls came from the others and Red let them die down before he continued. "Gather around guys and I'll tell you the tale of the smallclothes. Passed down from generation to generation of Lost Boys…"

"As long as it's the tale and not the underwear that's been passed down," Tig said and then laughed uproariously at his own joke while the others groaned.

"If I may continue," Red said in a haughty tone. "When Pan first started to bring Lost Boys to the island, the Woodland Elves made the pelts that us boys wear as they do now. Yet while the elves are good with a needle and pelt, they were not very good at fashioning smallclothes. They tended to use leaves and weren't always good about making sure they were the right types of leaves or that the twigs had been removed from said leaves."

"How can a leaf be the wrong type to make underwear out of?" Cubby asked as he tried to scratch his chest through the bear pelt where the poison ivy or oak or sumac rash was still plaguing him. "Ohhhhhhhhhhhh," he said after Red gave his itching a meaningful look. Then, "Ewwww."

"Exactly. It's hard for Lost Boys to fight pirates when… their minds aren't fully occupied with cleaving said pirates to the brisket. So Peter decided it was time to fix this problem. He searched the island far and wide, but was unable to come up with a suitable solution. The noble elves owed him a favor and he asked if they could help. They attempted to, but all the garments they produced were stiff as though they'd been heavily starched and were uncomfortable and binding. In fact, that was the first time the Lost Boys almost mutinied against Pan. He then went to the dwarves and asked for their help. Strangely enough, though, smallclothes that were made in the same style as armor didn't catch on with the boys either. It was impossible to sit down and if you think longjohns have certain disadvantages, imagine if your smallclothes were made of steel."

"Don't even say it," Leo admonished Tigger as he opened his mouth."

"Awwwww."

"Peter tried the trolls, but that didn't work either."

"What didn't work?" Stumble asked as he joined the group.

"Troll underwear," Cubby said.

"Troll underwear? Why the heck would anyone care about troll underwear? Oh, wait a second. Not the underwear legend again." It wasn't surprising that Stumble had heard of the story since he was sort of the unofficial historian at the moment for the Lost Boys. It was equally unsurprising that he hadn't related this tale before either. It wasn't something that normally came up for discussion for some reason. Surefoot continued to look as though something was bothering him, but still didn't say anything.

"So why didn't it work?" Tigger asked.

"That's a story all by itself. Let's just say it didn't and leave it at that. The next thing Peter tried was asking the pixies. Now as you know, pixies have all sorts of abilities and work with all sorts of stuff. Like Tink works with pots and metals and stuff, which is how she got her name Tinkerbell. There were a few that worked with cloth and things. Peter explained what he needed and the pixies agreed to give it a try. Unfortunately, something got lost in translation. The pixies produced three different colours of smallclothes. Blue, green and orange. The boys thought this was a little weird, but agreed to try them out anyway. At first they were pronounced a great success. That was until they found out about the colours. Anyone who wore the blue small-clothes was magically enchanted to always tell the truth while they were wearing them. Those who wore the green ones found that everything they touched turned to gold that wasn't really gold. The orange ones caused the person wearing them to say everything in rhyme while dancing."

"Dancing?" Cubby suddenly perked up.

"Down, Cubbs. It just made them dance, it didn't improve their dancing any." Cubby sighed. "Having Lost Boys always tell the truth didn't suit Peter at all, and really didn't go over real well with the Lost Boys either. 'King of the Mountain' was sort of interesting when half the players were turned to metal statues, but the pixies began to get annoyed when they kept being called to change the boys back to flesh. Obviously the pixies' ability wasn't good enough. Peter tried the mermaids, but seaweed wasn't exactly greeted with joy by the Lost Boys either. He was finally ready to give up when he stopped to rest underneath a tree in the Southern Wood. This was a special tree because it was watched over by a dryad. The dryad asked Peter what was wrong and he explained the situation to her. The dryad thought about it. She told Peter that she could ask the tree to make the smallclothes and that the tree had the ability to make them in something so close to cotton that no one could tell the difference. All she wanted in exchange was one thing. The ability to fly for a night so she could visit the stars and the moon. Now as you all know, everyone has the ability to fly if they have faith, trust and pixie dust. The dryad had the first two, but none of the third. Peter agreed to get her some pixie dust and further agreed to do it once every six cycles. The dryad got to view the heavens and the Lost Boys got their smallclothes. And that is where smallclothes come from, although why anyone would care is way beyond me." He looked at Tigger and rolled his eyes.

"Sometimes the little things can be very important. It's the little things that are the most magical."

"Yeah, but underwear?"

"What about underwear?" Roo asked as he joined the rest of the Lost Boys.

"Red was just telling us about the legend of Lost Boys' smallclothes." Tigger told him.

Roo looked at Red in a bemused manner. "Legend of underwear? I don't know it's all that exciting or anything. I mean how exciting can a Woolworth's in Watford be?"

"Whatcha mean Watford?" Tigger demanded.

Roo shrugged. "Yeah, whenever he goes to pick up a new Lost Boy, he takes a gold sovereign or something like that. He goes into the Woolworth's in Watford at midnight, grabs some underwear and leaves the coin on the counter. I mean c'mon, how did you think it got here? Magic? Grown on trees? Found in buried treasure? I'd have thought the fact that they all have those tags that say 'inspected by 12' might have been a clue. Besides, who cares where it came from?"

"Ha! I told you they came from Woolworth's," Cubby crowed. The rest of the Lost Boys turned to look at Red.

"Well I said it was a legend." Red mumbled. "I can't help it if everyone believed it this time or the first time I told it to Stumble."

Leo shook his head. "I told you it didn't matter where it came from." He looked at Surefoot. "What's wrong with you, anyway? You look like something is bugging you big time."

Surefoot looked almost stricken and stood there silently for a moment before bursting out, "You mean we have underwear?"


End file.
